On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
