youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
