I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize