i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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