Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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