Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
