That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
