Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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