ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have post one night stand depression
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