Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
