He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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