The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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