Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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