we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
