We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
