She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
