I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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