I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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