I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
