You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
