she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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