OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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