I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
