if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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