the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
