FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize