she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
