took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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