things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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