i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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