You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
