fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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