if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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