so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
