I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
