The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
