I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
