dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
