You're my little dorito
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
