And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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