just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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