I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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