Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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