Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
