He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
