mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
