I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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