Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize