Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
