We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
