you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
