and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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