You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
