I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
