A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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