Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
