it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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