I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
