i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Randomize
