it was like having sex with a tree stump
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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