Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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