btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
