You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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