he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
