he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
