Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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