Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
