This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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