So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
