Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
