You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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