i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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