i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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