you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize