i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
