Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
