Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
