need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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